Grave situation for hours outside Detroit

Aug. 26, 2018 UPDATE: Grave marker raised and leveled, in early August. I may be back in a few weeks.

oakview cemetery

I don’t go on many vacations and didn’t plan to write a blog on this one, but the most unusual thing happened while trying to visit my grandfather’s grave at the cemetery in Royal Oak, Michigan.

Pedro and I had gone to Flint to visit, and for me to meet his family for the first time.2018 Grandpa Leos grave 1

We decided today, we would drive to Detroit and possibly visit an aquarium on the way back.

First stop was going to be visiting the grave of my Grandpa Leo, my father’s father who died in 1954. That means he lived 52 years and has been gone for 64. There wasn’t much warning. After that, my father moved to Florida, at 13, along with my Grandma Lillie and then my Aunt Diane.

I’ve been to the Oakview Cemetery twice before. First, I was with the family in 1989.

Then, I went by myself in 2001, while I was on a job interview and ended up getting offered the job to produce the 11:00 news at CBS-owned WWJ-Channel 62 in Detroit. Good thing I got the opportunity to stay in Philadelphia because not only did Channel 62 get rid of its newscasts, it also canceled the 10:00 news on its new sister-station WKBD-Channel 50, which was UPN and now The CW.

2018 Grandpa Leos grave 2

Anyway, I was with Pedro, his sister Olga, and their mother. We stopped off at the cemetery office and got directions to the grave. And we looked. And looked. And looked.

2018 Grandpa Leos grave 3No sign of the headstone.

I had some idea of the area and was able to find some cousins, the Coltons, but no sign of my grandfather. Eventually, Pedro called the cemetery office and a guy named Peter came out to try to help us find it. And he couldn’t.

Then, he called a woman from the office who has a good reputation for finding missing graves. She was able to locate some stone markers but they’d been covered with dirt and were very dry, so we had trouble reading them.

Eventually, we figured out numbers 85, 86 and 87 in the area. I went to the place and started digging with my fingers, trying to find grave number 1 in the right section.

And there it was, under at least four inches of dirt! There were others completely covered, and pretty deep, as well.2018 Grandpa Leos grave 4

Uncovering all the dirt wasn’t easy. Pedro found some sticks that we used to try to get the dirt off the headstone. Even his elderly mother was on the ground, pulling grass out of the way!

Finally, the cemetery people called a worker with a shovel to lift the stone up a few inches.

We had baby wipes in the car and used those to clean the stone, and were finally able to read it clearly.

Peter said he put a work order in and tomorrow morning, the stone should have extra dirt underneath to keep it above ground. Pedro and I have a few more days here and will fly out of Detroit, so we’ll probably be back to check.

finding Grandpa Leos grave

This just goes to show what regular visits to cemeteries mean. They’re supposed to provide perpetual care, but how do you know? How often do you visit?

Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are popular. So are birthdays, anniversaries and Memorial Day. The time between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur for Jews.

Of course, it’s not easy traveling from Philadelphia to Michigan, or my family from Miami to Michigan. What about all the people in Florida with loved ones buried in New York?

Grandpa Leos grave
The third line is his Hebrew name and his father’s. The fourth is the date of death on the Hebrew calendar.

The decision to have my Grandpa Leo buried at that location was made many years ago. Then came the decision to move to Florida, and my Grandma Lillie died and was buried down south in 1976. She has an upright headstone. He has a flat one. Times changed a lot in those almost 20 years, and there’s nothing I can do — or have the right to do — to change anything.

It gets me thinking that people have to decide what they want, and make sure their wishes are known, and will be followed. And also make sure the money is there.

2018 after cemetery

Thanks to Pedro, his sister and their mother for digging, patience and other help with the search. And I’m sorry that what should’ve been a 15-20 minute stop, including directions at the office, turned into a two-hour ordeal.

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In defense: The good Facebook can do when used by the right people

First, happy Mother’s Day to everyone to whom that applies. I hope you’re having a great day!

casey frisky mothers day
You’ll have to excuse them. Casey and Frisky are still learning their colors.

Second, today is also the celebration of Yom Yerushalayim, or Jerusalem Day. It’s the Hebrew anniversary of when the Israelis recaptured the eastern/holy part of the city in the Six-Day War of 1967. It’s where no Arab country’s leader had visited except Jordan’s King Hussein, who’d “occupied” it 19 years earlier in 1948.

But then it suddenly became so important to them.

There is lots and lots to say about President Trump, but this post isn’t about him. Still, he is making the embassy move from Tel Aviv happen and no other American president has done so, despite being able. So thank you, President Trump.

Trump Jlem Day poster
Picture above and video below, courtesy Nyla

Israelis, naturally, are celebrating.

There’s an article written this weekend by former U.S. Ambassador to Israel Dan Shapiro (President Obama’s) and publicly supported by current U.S. Ambassador to Israel David Friedman (President Trump’s).

Shapiro, who is much more liberal, described the situation with a question:

“Why hasn’t the US ever recognized Jerusalem as Israel’s capital? Some people date it to the controversy that arose in 1967, when Israel captured East Jerusalem from Jordan in the Six-Day War and unified the city, describing it as a US protest against the Israeli ‘occupation’ of East Jerusalem. That’s wrong.

“The truth is that US policy on Jerusalem derives from events 20 years earlier, when the United Nations passed the Partition Plan for Palestine in November 1947.”

The two differ on many things but as my friend Andy, who pointed the article out, published:

“Good to see President Trump’s ambassador positively sharing an article by President Obama’s ambassador. Let’s keep support for Israel bipartisan.”

In the article, Shapiro described a day in the life of a U.S. Ambassador to Israel:

“Jerusalem had always been Israel’s capital, and we have always treated it functionally, if not formally, as such. When I served as the US Ambassador at our embassy in Tel Aviv, nearly every day I would be driven to Jerusalem to conduct affairs of state with the Israeli government at the Prime Minister’s office, the Foreign Ministry, and the Knesset.”

Then, he goes into a brief history of the complicated situation with Jerusalem at the center of it, describes a possible step towards solving an issue that has been delayed too many times over too many decades, and then how the embassy move could help end the century-old conflict. Let’s hope!

Also, Donald Trump’s face is featured on a ceremonial Israeli coin marking the 70th anniversary of the country’s rebirth.

It depicts Trump alongside the biblical King Cyrus of Persia, who allowed the Jews to return to Jerusalem 2,500 years ago, after King Nebuchadnezzar destroyed the first Temple (King Solomon’s) in 586 B.C. and exiled the Jews to Babylon.

Why does the other side try to claim there’s no Jewish history in Jerusalem? Who are they trying to fool? The answer is gullible haters who don’t want to believe it.

And onto the subject at hand, since I rarely write about myself and even more rarely write about personal subjects rather than professional ones.

Last week, I got a message on Facebook from someone I hadn’t seen in at least 30 years, and probably more like 40.

Technically, I’ve seen him on Facebook. We have several mutual friends, so we’ve seen each other commenting on their posts. (I’m speaking for myself, but can’t imagine the opposite not being true.) We were never really friendly growing up, even though we certainly knew each other.

The message went:

“Hi Lenny, I’m not sure of you remember me, but we grew up together. My memory may be off here, but I feel like I wasn’t always the nicest person to you and I really just want to apologize If I ever did or said anything to make you feel bad. You may not even recall this and maybe it’s more in my head. Anyhow, I just wanted to reach out and say hello. I hope you and your family are doing well. I remember your father very well. … He was always a really nice guy. Again, I know this is very random, but I saw your comment on _____’s post and just to reach out and say hello. Regards, _____”

Wow! Takes guts and a good person to write something like that. Very impressive!

I responded with a quick,

“No worries. I only remember good things. Hope you’re well. Thanks for writing!”

And we connected a few more times.old Lenny

The truth, as I remember it, is I was not happy growing up in Florida. Early on, I felt most of the people simply couldn’t make it in civilization, like New York.

You know what Frank Sinatra sang:

“If I can make it there,
I’ll make it anywhere.”

It was almost always too hot and humid. I wanted to stay inside and watch TV. I was a loner until high school.

Meanwhile, more people moved in to die. The area got more spread out and there was still traffic everywhere. Just Thursday, a friend posted this picture. It’s not downtown Miami but west of the airport.

The goal was to move to New York, which luckily – thanks to my parents – I didn’t do during college and never took on debt.

And instead of moving to New York, once I had enough career experience, I lived on both sides of it: almost two years in Connecticut and eight years in Philadelphia.

When I visit Florida, which hasn’t happened in more than a year, I feel even more like an outsider because of the language barrier. It’s a right-to-work state. Wages are low. So are taxes, even for people work in much better places and spend just 183 days a year there. On the other hand, insurance rates are sky high because of hurricanes and the water level will soon be, too.

south beach flood
Looking down from the 5th floor of my South Beach condo, at 11th and Alton, after about an hour of rain.

Plus, having the career I had and never letting up, I’ve become more of a homebody in recent years.

The writer, who was nice enough to contact me on Facebook, was not a jerk or bully or anything like that. There were some people like that and always will be, even though the world has changed and adults are supposed to be looking for more signs, these days.

And count on the politically-correct police, out in force, to make sure nobody ever feels bad, ever:

inclusive cheerleading
A friend found this article from New Jersey, last week, which you can click here to read and watch parts of the meeting.
2006 ncaa tournament chris christie philadelphia
Chris Christie would’ve never put up with that!

People are going to feel bad. That’s a fact of life. It’s not fair. I suggest you fight for what you believe most and try not to sweat the less important stuff. Forget about it, especially if you’re not sure it actually happened decades ago.

And I thank Facebook for the information above. I would not have had it otherwise.

We know the company has had issues – not just recently but for many years.

Yes, our personal information is their asset.

No, the company could’ve done more to protect it.

Yes, it’s trying to get its act together on security and news that gives facts.

No, it won’t be done soon. It’s a long work in progress with decisions still to be made.

Yes, I’ve written a lot on the subject!

But if it helps you reconnect with people from your past, parents see pictures of their kids in college, grandparents see pictures of their grandchildren, and lets people celebrate their moms on Mother’s Day, and see the excitement of Israelis thrilled about their capital city being reunited and what’s to come this week, then get on board and sign up.

You don’t have to use every function or app, or even a few – but you’re missing out if you’re too stubborn to say you won’t miss good things if you’re not on Facebook.

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