Sign, sign, everywhere a sign

Who would’ve thought of me as some type of music expert? Definitely not anybody who knows me! I’ve been planning this blog for a little while and the lyrics immediately came to my mind as the headline. (Of course, I’ve never heard of Five Man Electrical Band. They sang Signs in 1971.)

It’s actually pretty funny, considering the last post’s headline was a takeoff of Simon & Garfunkel’s Mrs. Robinson. The lyric goes “Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio?” but I used somebody else’s name.

So signs. A fun post before vacation.

Philadelphia is the birthplace of our country. Where free speech was instituted. Maybe that’s why it’s known for some unusual ones.

I live in a high-rise so I found no need to put any up but by far, the most popular type is the one that tells delivery drivers to take their packages somewhere else.

I don’t know why people would order something and not be home to receive it. That means the driver has to stop, fill out a card, and delay everyone else’s packages. Why not just ask that it be delivered somewhere else?

Some people…

nice sign

… are nicer than others.

mean sign

Everybody wants their mail delivered, and not anybody else’s.

right address

While some signs are simple, I can’t figure what all these are about.

too many signs

I’m not exactly sure about this one either, but I do know it’s not meant for me.

Jesus signThe people living here are apparently very generous — with choices — but only for drivers who press hard enough to ring the bell and knock loudly on the door, and then find out nobody is home. If that’s the case, the driver gets to toss the package over their back gate! Like tossing packages never happens.

package choicesThe people who live below also offer choices. They start out nicely by writing “please” and then letting the driver choose which of two addresses they’d prefer to make their delivery! But by looking at the sign, I’d guess they didn’t even plan to be home. At least that information would save the driver from pressing hard enough to ring the bell and knocking loudly on the door! Of course, they probably expect somebody to be home at the address the driver chooses. Otherwise, it may mean a third stop. If that’s the case, I’d hope the driver gets to return the package to the warehouse and make the person pick it up. That’s too many delivery attempts in too few minutes!

pkg1

This sign also gives the driver a choice between two addresses, but at least both are businesses and open during the day when packages are delivered.

choice sign 2

This next one is for drivers who may not be too bright. I also put smiley faces on my 1st graders’ good homework…

package use doorbell
… but never combined them with exclamation points.

On the other hand, this person writing to the “Mail Person” needs better penmanship!

hardly readable

When I was working at CBS in Miami, I had a new computer delivered there. It was great! First, the boss was able to check it out and make sure all settings were correct. Then, he installed the programs I’d need in order to work at home. That was my idea.

And it came in handy when he was out and I left a little early, feeling sick. That night — July 27, 2005 — former Miami-Dade County Commissioner Art Teele shot himself in his head, committing suicide in the Miami Herald lobby! He’d been convicted of corruption and removed from office. I got home, turned on the TV and was the only person from the station able to put up a story.

Another time, I was about to head to the Keys on a Saturday morning when a small plane crashed into a lake in Aventura. The weekend morning news had a picture, and I listened and wrote a story. Then, I was on my way.

I never minded working from home, especially when it saved me from a rushed trip to the office for a single story.

Parking spaces are prized in Philadelphia. Garages are even more so, if you can get in and out. I found somebody decided to use chalk to make sure nobody blocked them…

no parking
… and prove they know the beginning of the alphabet!

ppa septa wideSpeaking of cars and parking, maybe someone above can teach the Philadelphia Parking Authority how arrows work. Here we are, on Aspen, approaching the corner of 24th Street. You can see the corner is a bus stop. You can take the 48 from Center City and get dropped off right in back of my building.
ppa septa tight

But take a closer look at the signs for drivers who want to park. The middle sign shows it’s not allowed past the sign because of buses. But the bottom sign says it’s allowed on both sides of the sign.

They say “The PPA don’t play” but it should at least make up its mind.

That reminded me of a sign on Front Street, south of South. You see how people with residential parking stickers can park their cars in their zone without having to obey days and time limits. I’m in zone 6. This is what I found last year, and shared with a reporter co-worker.

front street ppa sign

It may not be right but it’s easier to understand than this group of signs at a busy intersection in Bristol, VA. Remember, you only have until the red light turns green, if you’re lost and lucky enough to hit a red light!

2015-03-15 lots of street signs
Try figuring this out!

Some signs would save money if they weren’t changed.

district attorney krasner outside
Why does the name of the district attorney elected in November have to have his name up?

It’s kind of hard to see, but this is the second of two doors, also with Larry Krasner’s name.

district attorney krasner inside
Would anybody lose out if there were no names on signs, and only the stationery was changed?

And as we get closer to the bottom…

sign dog peeing
… this low sign was obviously meant for dogs who could read!

And I can’t leave out this classic from downstairs in my own building.

no dumping
OK. It’s funnier when approaching from a distance and can’t see the details on the right.

Anyway, I’m off for a week. Thanks for reading. You can check out some relatively old web stuff from when I was Digital Media Manager at WCYB in the Tri-Cities of TB/VA, 2015-2016. The format changed twice since then, and everything looks a bit different than it did, but I was able to capture some still shots here. The writing was more formal than this, but not completely A.P. style. That would come later.

And please, don’t miss out. If you like what you read here, subscribe to CohenConnect.com with either your email address or WordPress account, and get a notice whenever I publish. I’m also available for writing/web contract work.

feature signs

P.S. This is a bonus I found the next day in the 2000 block of Spring Garden. The sign was up the stairs and not easy to shoot when I zoomed in, but I felt worth a look. Should the “USPS/UPS Guy” have to be subjected to this? Should passers-by like me?

nasty to usps

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Update: Storing the car on the mean streets

This blog post I found was written in mid-May, 2016, but never published. It was part of a series on the difficulties I had moving back to Philadelphia, and the new job got in the way. Since then, a lot has changed.

My problems were eventually solved — step by step, as you’ll read below — but many other people’s will be fought for years and years to come.

The PPA is the Philadelphia Parking Authority and as they say, “The PPA don’t play!”

Even at Fox 29, the morning news anchors would talk ON THE AIR about the troubles they’ve had with the PPA. These were good, honest, educated hard-working people trying to do the right thing at an ungodly hour. Apparently, they felt so angry, they were forced to offer their opinions which is hardly ever done during a newscast (except “Go Eagles!”).

The most common complaint was about so many people from the station having gotten tickets across the street for parallel parking in a space on Market Street. It has a low meter for handicapped people and is in the middle of the block — unlike any other, which are on corners, they say — and the meter is hard to see in snow. Well done, PPA! Those handicapped violations are supposed to be extra expensive.

A year later, community anger over complicated PPA rules and outrage over infractions must’ve driven somebody important over the top that the Authority decided to hold a class for the public on how to avoid parking problems. I wrote the online article and talked to reporter Hank Flynn who gave his take on the road to traffic court.

The Authority was supposed to “host a two-hour, fact and fun-filled workshop,” as they put it. I’m not sure the station ever followed up. The class was on a weekend.

The competition reported drivers were urged to look at the color of the sign, along with the days, hours and arrows on it. They even quoted a PPA employee who told them, “We had professional driving instructors on hand and people were taken out to cars and taught to parallel park.” Isn’t that task for the folks at driving school?

The conversation with Hank actually started with us discussing residential parking permits. As you’ll read, I lived in zone 4 with I first arrived, but later moved to zone 6.

Then, across town, I came upon this sign and took a picture. Read what it says carefully. You’ll often find residential zone number exceptions on top or below a parking sign. You’ll even find two different zone numbers if a street is on or near the border between them. But what about the dash between the 5 and the 7?

Google calls the dash “a horizontal stroke in writing or printing to mark a pause or break in sense, or to represent omitted letters or words.” In other words, the 6 that falls between the 5 and the 7!

I followed up with the PPA since their sign clearly allows someone with a 6 sticker like me to park at that location, even though it’s across town.

They tweeted back no, with no explanation — not that certain parking signs are the only bad ones in the city.

One final update before the original blog post, for those of you still with me, is the fact people in South Philadelphia can park wherever the heck they want, with no ramifications. Notice I write they do, because they get away with it. The city chooses not to enforce the law in that part of town which is unfair to everyone else and potentially unsafe.

That last part was used in a lawsuit that was decided less than a month ago. According to Philly.com, the judge ruled police and the PPA can’t stop people from parking their cars or whatevers in the middle of S. Broad Street (nor apparently any other street) because apparently authorities have more important things to do.

Whatever.

We left off May 16, 2016 with a blog post called Not exactly a warm welcome. It was mostly about the awful move, two weeks after I started work here, which was less than a week after I left my job in Virginia. (I’ve moved to a much better place since then.)

The pictures show you’ll enjoy it more than I did!

—–

The move was awful but at least everything is in either the apartment or the storage unit (that’s nearly impossible to get inside). I’m still trying to figure out which.

Now, my biggest problem is the car. I didn’t want a new car but that’s a long story and somebody else will have to answer that.

I don’t have a residential sticker to park on the street in the neighborhood. First, I have to get a driver’s license. Then, use the license to get a license plate. And then, go for the sticker.

So for now, I have a Virginia license plate and have had to park where it’s allowed, a few blocks away, south of South Street.

Unfortunately the good folks at the Philadelphia Parking Authority try to uphold the laws of every state, even though they’re not familiar with the law. In my case, they think all Virginia cars need to have inspection stickers on the front middle of the windshield.

so phila
South  Philadelphia can be a zoo. People park wherever they want, even in the center median, even blocking a turning lane. But for some reason, those laws are not enforced.

That’s not the case with new cars. Click here for the law. See FAQ #1.

Virginia lets new cars go without inspection stickers for the first year. But I got two tickets (so far) and the fine is up from about $15 when I left town 12 years ago, to $41 now. Hopefully this note with information will keep me from getting a third. (So far, so good. I’ll know for sure when I see the car again.)

0944bd09-19ec-4c91-94fb-b6fc79e1d0c5
Yes, that’s my car on the street.

So I need to get a Pennsylvania license, to switch from Virginia license plates to Pennsylvania, to get a sticker for parking.

Easier said than done. I mentioned the move was horrible and I don’t know where things are.

To get the driver’s license, I need my passport and other proof of residency. The passport was in the file cabinet, and the file cabinet was deep inside that storage unit. I’ll say something for those packers: They know how to get stuff in!

Saturday was a waste. I was hoping to get the passport, but that didn’t happen. And losing the keys to the storage lock is not something I want to remember or write about.

tony1
Impossible! Notice the mattress, box spring and top of dining room table at the bottom — and chairs on top.

Sunday, Tony and I took out a mattress, box spring and top of a heavy dining room table. We maneuvered half the large couch out and got access to the file cabinet. Of course, the two drawers I needed were in the middle.

tony2
Got in. Working with gloves.

I got what I needed in about 15 minutes and am hoping the driver’s license, license plate and parking sticker will be easier to get.

tony3
Can you find the file cabinet? It’s actually big, four drawers tall.

UPDATE: I got the driver’s license. Waited a little while and had more documentation than necessary.

dmv
They were calling C600 when I arrived. Could’ve been a lot worse.

So I walked a block to the traffic school that would take care of the license plate and found out I’d need the car’s title. I had that for my old car but as I’ve said repeatedly, “I didn’t want a new car but that’s a long story and somebody else will have to answer that.” So I’m in a holding pattern.

car now
Too far from home. Let’s hope it stays safe!

It all worked out.

Now, back to 2017, and another big challenge and fight. I hope I’ll be able to fill you in next week.